This has been quite the year. I wanted 2019 to be my year. I was turning 30, starting a new nursing job, and in a new and exciting relationship. Well the year took a turn for the worse pretty quick. On January 9th, my dad passed away unexpectedly. His health had been declining over the past year after years and years of heavy drinking. I basically stopped talking to my dad when I moved to California – it was my chance to cut things off after being hurt and disappointed for years. Although my dad’s health had been declining over the last year, he was always super active and always outdoors growing up.He inspired me to play sports and take up running after college. As an ICU nurse I knew that something was going to happen to him after continuous health issues, however I didn’t think it would happen just yet. After my dad passed away I decided to take a step back and not return to nursing like I had planned. It wasn’t the right time to be starting a brand new job. I also was lucky enough to be working with an agency, who was helping me get more brand deals, which meant more money. In February, a few weeks after my dad passed away I started therapy. I honestly should have started therapy years ago, but I always found other ways to cope.
Aside from my dad’s death, I was also dealing with other things. I was turning 30 and the pressure was on the figure out my life. Career wise I didn’t know what I wanted to do long term and I was also beginning to worry about starting a family. My younger sister announced her pregnancy and I wanted that more than ever.
I also struggled with something else this year. If you’re a close friend to me, then you know how much this affected me and took away my confidence and happiness. I’ll get into more details about this when I’m ready, but I really lost myself this year. I started having issues with friends and even lost some close ones because of this. It makes me sad to think about, but I’ve realized that some friends are meant to be there for a certain period of time. They come into your life for a reason. You learn and grow from them. Some friends stay for a lifetime, where as others are there for a season. Then it’s time to move on. That’s what happened this year, and although it’s upsetting to loose certain friends, I’m still very grateful for their friendship and all that I’ve learned from them.
2019 was the first year in three years that I didn’t run a full marathon. My knee still isn’t 100% so it was time to take a step back from marathon training to focus on strength training instead. I was able to run two half marathons, but after my last one, I made the decision to stop running outside all together for a while. I haven’t ran outdoors since October so hopefully I can get back out there in the next few weeks and give it a try!
Over the last few years I’ve shared my running journey on social media. I know a lot of my followers come to me for running advice, not because I’m an expert, but because of my experience. I sometimes worry that you guys won’t find my content as interesting or worthy if I’m not posting about running. I know that really isn’t the case but it’s something I am hard on myself about and I wanted to share with you. I try to remind myself just because I’m not running like I used to, I am still here for advice and will continue to share some running content because it’s something I enjoy talking about and helping others with.
I also wanted to open up in this post about Becky’s Bowls. I’ve received a ton of questions on Instagram asking how my business is going. Well to be honest with you all- it’s not going. I had everything set up and ready to go for my business. I decided I needed to hold off on opening Becky’s Bowls for personal reasons. I’m hoping I can figure out another plan for it in 2020, but for now it’s on hold. Thank you all for being supportive and excited for me in my new business venture. I really wanted it to work out and was so excited for it, but I really had to be smart and take a step back from it.
I’ve grown a lot this year. I’ve learned how strong I can be. I’ve put on a brave face and a smile when inside I’ve been in so much pain. I’ve learned I can handle a lot more than I ever thought I could. I have had my share of moments where I’ve felt bad for myself and asked why me? (And yes I still have these moments), but I’ve learned that everything truly does happens for a reason. I know there are good things coming my way and so much happiness ahead. I’m so grateful for my family and friends who have been there for me this past year and so lucky I have sweet boy Leo by my side.
For me it’s been really easy to dwell on all of the negative stuff that has happened this year. Sometimes I get caught up in all of the negative and forget to focus on the positive. I’ve had a really great year with my job in social media. I’ve been lucky enough to work with Parker Management and have some amazing brand deals with Adidas, Under Amour, Nuun Hydration, & Perfect Bar. I also released my first workout guide, which has always been a dream of mine. I’ve been able to take some pretty amazing trips this year as well to Tulum, Sayulita, Oahu twice, and Park City with the Kodiak Cakes team.
I’m excited and ready to fully focus on myself in the new year. I’m ready to fall in love with myself again and find happiness. I know it’s going to take a lot of work, but I’m ready to put the time and work in. Cheers to 2020!
